In The Loopus: Return of the Jester

It’s been a while! After a year-long hiatus, In The Loopus returns to round up everything going on across the NBA landscape.

Folks.

It’s been a while.

A long while.

By my count, it has been just about a full year since the last In The Loopus. It was a choice I made begrudgingly to leave my precious little column, the one that helped me establish this as an actual career (thank you to past me for a haphazard Coby White – Silver the Hedgehog comparison), in the past.

Throughout this season, throughout every stray tweet, through every haggard take though, I found myself missing it.

It may not be the best use of time, or effort. It may not be particularly smart or interesting analysis. It definitely is not something that can go on a resume or be presented to a hiring manager. But, you know what?

It’s fun.

It was fun to quote Cronenberg’s poetry while stressing how good this Pistons team could be (I am vindicated), it was fun to rant about Marjon Beauchamp’s value as a hypothetical asset instead of as an on-court player, and, above all else, it was fun to give credit to Bismack Biyombo for constantly being a high effort big who smiled all the time.

I need more fun stuff to write, and I think people need more fun stuff to read. Canis Hoopus has forever been a home for me, even before I was a contributor. The comment sections that were once filled with playful infighting are now at each other’s throats after every bad loss to a lottery that the Minnesota Timberwolves make us endure.

Maybe I can’t help that, in fact I know I can’t, but maybe the few of us can have some fun talking about the NBA in a bit of a goofy way.

With all of that in mind, from a call of action for joy to an apology for my Aang-like disappearance, I have something to announce.

I’m back.

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Ed Szczepanski-Imagn Images

The Backup Center Market/A Valanciunas Manifesto

The trade deadline is long, long gone, and I am late to that, but I want to take a second to focus on what may be the most under-appreciated asset group in the NBA: the backup centers.

The most notable teams to talk about in this grouping are the two that did not make any moves, the ones who held their center rotation at the deadline, including quality backups that they are refusing to play. That is the Portland Trailblazers and the Chicago Bulls.

Both teams have been playing decidedly better basketball recently, with the Blazers glad to see Scoot Henderson coming out of his shell, while the Bulls have been, for lack of a better term, fun. But, both teams have three rotation-level centers on the roster with an odd man out who would be playing elsewhere.

For the Bulls, this is a more recent issue. When Zach Collins came in after the Zach Lavine – DeAaron Fox megadeal, Jalen Smith was pushed out of the rotation. As a Stix believer, this hurt, but from an asset standpoint, it feels like the Bulls missed out on their chance to get even a second-rounder from a team that needs more center help.

The Blazers, on the other hand, did this to themselves and came into this season with the same minutes issue they refused to fix. After drafting Donovan Clingan at seventh overall, the Blazers had four (count ‘em, four!) rotation-level centers on the roster and two/three ahead of their top ten pick. Duop Reath was banished to the territory of DNP-CD and Robert Williams III’s injuries meant the problem sort of solved itself, but it’s still a hugely disappointing hostage-ing of quality players.

I get not trading Williams. His constant injuries mean that the best return you can get for a good player who never plays is some long-term money and a nothing asset, but Reath’s two million dollar deal is infinitely tradeable (literally any team can send out two million in money) and he showed moments of excellent play last year.

This conversation seems to lack real importance, as no championship team will ever be defined by their ninth or tenth man, but there’s a current example of a team being able to weather a storm of issues through quality backup center play that fits their team.

That team is the Sacramento Kings.

The Kings, since trading DeAaron Fox, are 10-10. While credit must be given to a continued resurgence from Zach LaVine and the team’s best player, Domas Sabonis, a huge strength of this team comes through in the title-mentioned Jonas Valanciunas.

Valanciunas’s play is so comparable to Sabonis’s that the team has a solid 48 minutes of playing the same style with such extreme interchangeability that they win on consistency instead of explosiveness.

It is definitely not a championship-winning approach, but it is one that has kept them in the playoff hunt without a real initiator of any kind, and in a league that values being just good enough, it was shocking that fewer teams chased the pieces to do that, or alternatively that the few teams with those pieces refused to move them.

(EDIT: Oh my god, this take has aged like milk since I wrote it. The Kings locker room is clearly struggling and they have been dropping games again.)

Troy Taormina-Imagn Images

Is it Good to Lose a Trade? (Sometimes)

Have you ever heard the saying “too much of a good thing”? Well, while the Oklahoma City Thunder still haven’t found any real examples of this (pending Ousmane Dieng, who may just be bad, and Niko Djurisic, who is recovering from injury), the Houston Rockets quite simply have too many players they are invested in.

This is not new news, however. People have been talking about Houston making a consolidation trade for what feels like ages. The Rockets have, by my count, one starting point guard of the future, two starting shooting guards with at least one energizer bench piece, two equally startable power forwards, and the franchise centerpiece at the five.

Cam Whitmore, after being the “steal of the draft” a few years ago, is averaging six minutes per game over his last ten games. Reed Sheppard, the third overall pick, is shooting the air out of the ball, in that his percentages look like he was shooting a ball that was flying like a balloon in a cartoon in a meager 12 minutes a game. Jabari Smith Jr. and Tari Eason have essentially the exact same numbers while being vastly different players.

Again, the question of this portion is not if/when the Rockets make a trade. That is an inevitability. The question becomes this: when is it worth losing a deal for the sake of clarity?

Let’s look at the aforementioned, West-leading OKC Thunder. Specifically, I want to look at the Gordon Hayward trade, one that the Thunder lost terribly on paper. The trade saw the Thunder send out Vasi Micic, Davis Bertans, Tre Mann, and two second-round picks for Hayward.

Upon arriving in Oklahoma, Hayward played less than 500 total minutes, started three games, and was not a part of the playoff rotation. Charlotte received multiple second-rounders, Mann, who has shown some flashes of NBA play, and Micic, who played well before being unloaded for more picks in the Jusuf Nurkic trade this year.

In more simple terms, they got an expiring contract for two second-rounders and a former first-round pick.

And yet, even if you ignore that that was the trade that allowed the Thunder to acquire Isaiah Hartenstein, it was more important that it brought a consistency to OKC’s rotation. Aaron Wiggins and Isaiah Joe were given more minutes. Cason Wallace slotted into the backup guard spot. Kenrich Williams was more emphasized and more roster slots were opened up, allowing the Thunder to keep multiple rookies with their first-round picks.

That is what the Rockets lack, despite their impressive season. There is no pyramid of priority beyond Alperun Sengun and Amen Thompson. There are simply a bunch of frogs in a bucket trying to climb over each other to establish their careers.

That is why it may be good to take a loss on a trade, instead of hoarding and holding assets until you waste them all (cc. New Orleans Pelicans.) Rebuilds do not work as perpetual stews, constantly leaving the core but dropping a never-ending cascade of additional ingredients. You can change the specials, you can make adjustments, but at some point, you need to lock in the menu.

Jurassic Tank

I am fully, truly, and honestly obsessed with the Toronto Raptors and cannot get enough of their tanking strategies. To say they are revolutionizing the game would be completely lacking in respect for what this is. This is 1995 Michael Jordan. This is 2013 LeBron James. This is the 2016 Steph Curry of intentionally losing.

Despite all this, Toronto keeps winning. The Raptors have the seventh-best odds at Cooper Flagg and the first overall pick. They are in a dead heat with the Philadelphia 76ers and Brooklyn Nets.

Instead, their approach of benching the players they can’t put on the injury report as soon as the clock hits 12 minutes remaining is now being claimed and incorporated by other tankathon teams. In fact, Masai Ujiri’s directives were adopted so immediately by the Utah Jazz that they are now being investigated.

There’s something truly funny about tanking teams that refuse to accept their own tank. The Raptors managed to win a few games with an all-undrafted team (and a subtle jab at Garrett Temple, who has been really good??)

Every year, the All-Star Game comes and goes and we’re forced to hear mass hysteria about the unwatchability of the NBA in general. Every year, a few weeks later, everyone realizes that it doesn’t matter and moves on to the real regular season games. Like clockwork, just another week later, people realize that the last 15 or so games of the season are full of GMs trying to prevent their team from succeeding.

We get think pieces here as well. Discussions of tanking ruining the NBA spring forth, the word ethical is thrown around a lot, and people struggle to be normal. I think there’s something truly fun about rooting for a really bad team. There’s also a lot of joy in watching players climb to reach out and claim their opportunities.

Maybe it hurts a draft pick or two, and I understand the anger at that (as a New York Giants fan, believe me, I get it), but the coolest stories in the NBA are frequently the ones that materialize late in the season. That’s worth celebrating.

Troy Wayrynen-Imagn Images

The Celtics Bench is a Hilarious Embarrassment of Riches

In the dark era of New York Knicks basketball, there were names that blurred by in the city while everyone tried to figure out if the pile of failed draft picks and signings were a poisoned well or another man’s treasure.

For most, they were the former. Ron Baker is remembered more for his mention on a Stephen A Smith rant than as a real player. Frank “Frankie Smokes” Ntilikina was the most baffling defensive min-max story in history (he could literally only defend isos on the perimeter, he could not navigate a pick and roll). Ignas Brazdeikis exists only in the theoretical.

The same should have been said for gangly, seemingly uncoordinated string bean Luke “Hornet” Kornet. And yet, here he is flourishing on the Boston Celtics’ bench. No longer a stretch five, Kornet has boosted his efficiency to be one of the more underappreciated players outside of the Massachusetts zip codes.

Maybe I’m just thinking of Kornet because Owen Phillips on Twitter has posted a few graphs about the Celtician Gumby, but the entire Celtics bench is a hilarious group of castaways and goobers that I wish I could love, but can’t because well, it’s Boston.

While the Celtics as a whole have definitely been having a bit of a hangover, the bench is thriving. From Payton Pritchard finding his opportunity as a half-court chucking specialist to Neemias Queta, the only Portuguese player in NBA history, there are just so many funny bits and bobs to see here.

Story Pups

Andrew Wiggins and the Heat – Can I just pound my chest for a second on the Andrew Wiggins career arc? He won’t be a Hall of Famer ever, and people will continue to giggle and jaw when I say he is my favorite player, but he just continues to be solidly above average in almost every aspect of the game.

The current scoring outburst, including a full-on explosion against Charlotte, has been largely buoyed by the fact that Wiggs is just not missing a single mid-range shot, but he has stepped into a void left on the Miami Heat after the Jimmy Butler trade as a much-needed shot creator, and he has performed exceptionally well.

Is it sustainable? Doubt it. But he got so close to being the Hero of the Week, and I felt the need to mention him here.

Where did it go wrong for Phoenix? – There are so, so many answers to this. The DeAndre Ayton restricted free agency is a compelling starting point. Maybe it was the draft pick of Jalen Smith over Tyrese Halliburton, compounded by the complete lack of a plan of development for the big man. Most Phoenix Suns fans would probably point to the original trade for Jusuf Nurkic that, although it brought in Grayson Allen, also included Toumani Camara, who has rapidly become a cornerstone of the Blazers rebuild.

The issue with this era of Suns basketball is that there are so many mistakes to point at that made a return to the finals after 2021 impossible. The unfortunate truth now is that people have decided to blame Kevin Durant instead of James Jones. There is also a place to blame the constant missteps in the hiring processes of coach after coach or the catastrophe that is the Bradley Beal trade, but this should act as a reminder that GMs, owners, and coaches will always try to offload blame onto players.

And that’s stupid. Don’t fall for it.

Best Cooper Flagg Locations – I will preface this by saying that I am a huge hater of the Jazz, in honor of Vernon Maxwell’s Twitter, and the Pelicans because their fans sent me death threats for a piece written about Dyson Daniels this season. For that reason, I am not wishing for anything good to come in their direction.

My favorite location for Cooper Flagg is, by far the Brooklyn Nets. Above all else, the Nets are well-coached and in the city for me, so this is a selfish want, but I also think the Nets are best suited for Flagg. The Nets have pieces that could flip a rebuild quickly and the defensive pairing of Flagg and Nic Claxton would be incredible for sickos like me.

If I had a choose a more realistic option, the Washington Wizards alongside personal draft crush Bub Carrington and a truly excellent foundation of young guys and lovable vets.

ROTY Race – Before we get into my pick for Rookie of the Year, I want to take a quick second to talk about my favorite rookie (not named Bub Carrington). That player is Matas Buzelis. While the creation and above-average defensive length and intensity basically guarantee that he will be a plus starter in his career, my favorite trait of Matas’ is that he plays with hatred in his heart.

Like Norm Powell’s crusade against Paul George this offseason, Matas spent pre-draft workouts not making the case for why he should go in the top five or ten, but instead just ranting about how much better he thought he was than Zach Risacher. I love that.

Speaking of Risacher, he would probably be my pick for Rookie of the Year. Stephon Castle has been impressive, but not so impressive that Risacher’s statistical profile couldn’t catch up to Castle. Over his last 30 or so games, Zach has been a monster of efficiency from everywhere beyond the arc with real shot creation ability. That’s my ROTY.

Knicks Struggles – A few months ago, I stopped on the street because I overheard two guys talking about why the Knicks couldn’t play defense. While the analysis is way more in-depth, I wanted to include this tweet here, even if it’s just to (in the words of Stephen A Smith) bloviate.

Sixers Silver Linings – Initially, this was going to be about the massive Quentin Grimes leap that we all knew was possible (by we, I mean the Canis Hoopus staff group chat, who have been collectively trying to get him to the Wolves since it became clear the Knicks were willing to trade him in 2023). Then, it was going to be about the Justin Edwards breakout that we all (just me this time) knew was possible. Then, it was going to be about whether the Sixers could keep Grimes and their pick going into next season if his play continued to be strong.

Now, after losing to the Pelicans (this has been written over a long few days), it seems like their pick is probably going to fall in the top six as needed. If Grimes returns, it will only be as a starter if Paul George is traded.

The Sixers are in such a weird spot. They have such fun pieces, but they’ve only discovered them from a year that was just about their worst-case scenario. Yabusele and Grimes are both free agents. Paul George looked awful. Embiid’s knees may be shot after signing a massive extension.

I, like most, am curious to see what this team does, be it rebuild or stubborn runback.

Luka Eulogizing – Dude, literally how did that happen? How? It’s still baffling. I still can’t conceive of it being real. The world is ending, the sky is falling, and somehow that’s the only way trading Luka Doncic feels remotely comprehendible.

Warriors Resurgence – Maybe it’s a little late to talk about this. Maybe the end of the Golden State Warriors’ win-streak coinciding with when I started writing this episode of In The Loopus was divine intervention to stop me from writing this, but ever since the addition of Jimmy Butler III, the Warriors have been flat-out fantastic.

The fit of General Soreness is so fascinating because he is, ultimately, a set of training wheels for Golden State’s two best players.

On offense, he is a scaffolding holding up and bracing the roof that Steph Curry stands on. He enables Steph to get off the ball while adding another functional on-ball creator.

On defense, Butler’s ability to be a primary perimeter defender returns Draymond to his ideal roaming role. It’s worth noting that because of about ten games of good play, Draymond is now the favorite for DPOY without deserving it at all!

Inevitably though, this will be the last stop for Butler’s career. It’s going well, but it’s gone well to start after each of his now numerous departures. How well it ends up will depend on this year’s playoff run, and whatever seed the Warriors can claim.

I don’t understand the obsessions with Walker Kessler – This comes largely from a bar discussion I had last week. Whenever people bring up centers on the market, the seemingly number one target for every team’s fanbase is Walker Kessler of the Jazz. Between his easy-to-transfer play style and generally useful strengths of rebounding and blocking shots, I do understand some of the appeal. However, I fail to accept the idea that Kessler can be the last step in building a championship core.

I’ve heard this from Knicks fans, Los Angeles Lakers fans, and even Suns fans who thought Nick Richards and he were night and day differences (they are, but not for the reasons you might think). In 2023, I wrote about the idea of Walker Kessler as a future piece forcing people to opine about who he would be if he was still in Minnesota.

I think the same is happening here. People still consider him a young player when he has not meaningfully improved since he was drafted. He’s a fine starter, but he will not transform any team. He will not save a franchise. And beyond being the fifth-best starter on a good team, he is painfully average as a piece to trade for.

By the way, can someone trade for Nicolas Claxton so I can get my stocks to payout? Hell, if you want a player who is better than Kessler and will cost significantly less to acquire, may I interest you in a Jakob Poetl?

Kyle Terada-Imagn Images

Hero of the Week: Matthew Dellavedova

Do you guys remember when a local Australian radio program wrote a song about Matthew Dellavedova? Well, I only found out from my mom after she suddenly brought up Delly as the fourth NBA player she could name from memory (behind LeBron James, Robert Covington, and Vince Carter). When I couldn’t find the song and began worrying about my mom’s stability and her potential Australian news-based hallucinations, I found the real story.

Delly had kindly asked them to remove it, noting that they didn’t have to if they didn’t want to, and the station had agreed out of respect for the Aussie legend.

On that note, Dellavedova is back in the news again this week because of his inverse Jerry West. After winning NBL Finals MVP on the losing team, Delly decided to cede the trophy and accordant honor to Will Hickey of the championship-winning Illawarra Hawks.

That’s pretty cool.